to do...

i heart this...

I for one...have these 3 things on mind...as definitely MUST do...

Love...

completely and utterly your friends, family and significant other...with the good the bad and the ugly...accepting, forgiving and understanding...

Dream...

big dreams..for when you reach for the moon you land among the stars

Be Free...

from worry...i guess just be happy!

love you long time xo

Anna

dead sexy mark! hahaha

hmmmm really feel as though i should write about him...mainly just to get it out of my system...hopefully for good...

There is alot of things I would like to say to him...but im not going to...because i guess...it's a matter of pride...a matter of fear...a matter of letting bigones be bigones...a matter of if its meant to be....its meant to freakin be!!! A matter of not wanting a guy to want you because you want him..and also because these feelings...the feelings i have for him....i wasnt meant to have in the first place...so i stuffed up big time...i couldnt help it...DAMN YOU FEELINGS!!! DAMN YOU!!! y does he have to be dead sexy whhhhhhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyy!!!! LOL and besides i know that one day when i read this...i will just laugh at how effing stoopid i was for feeling this shit in the first place!!! Thank goodness i have the ability to laugh at oneself downpat!! HAHA!!

Holey moley...im just hoping that in writing this...it is somehow thereaputic...because right now i have such mixed emotions...and to be honest with you....im just hoping against all hope that in writing this...it helps even just a tad to soothe this pain i feel...hmmm im sad that it has to end....but happy that it freakin happened....see the way i think atm is.....if i had let this continue...could you even imagine how more deeper shit id be in...deeper than i am now...how retarded would that freakin be!! So best to cut your loses...i thinks!!! hahaha...funnily enough i haven't cried about it...not really expecting too...thought maybe i would...but i didnt....maybe because this is, at best...what i had prepared myself for...

If i could say something to him...it would go something like this...

Thank you for everything...you do not understand how you have made such a significant impact on my life...you have actually showed me that there are guys out there that are actually men and arnt little boys (i am not taking a digg at any past bfs LOL they cool...we cool!!)...you have given me hope...and all i needed was hope....your character...i am absolutely amazed by...you are kind, generous, caring, smart and loyal...personality is effing crazy funny and blunt....its just great....and more than what i could ask for in a guy...and whoever you end up with would be so damn lucky!!! (SO SO SO DAMN LUCKY)  Thank you for making me feel special...(THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING!) i haven't felt that for awhile...I could only wish you every success and every happiness...(TRULY!!)

I will miss you for awhile...until i dont...(isnt that true about all things...)

that would be the main freakin jist of it!! But you know WHATEVER!!!

sometimes you forget...just to remember again... 

i really like him...this guy...and i didnt have the balls to tell him...but i never do...EVER...the most i could say was that i missed him...isnt that indication enough?? I know that its not really but at this time that is the best i could do...To be honest i think it was...that is such a big deal coming from me...but i guess he didnt know me well enough to actually know that...and i just have to accept that he didnt feel the same way!!! How much does that suck...i dont really know what i want neway (that is where my self defence mechanism is kicking in) SO HA!!! LOL HMMMM hopefully ill get over the whole thing soooon...plzzz plzz plzzzzz...i doubt we'd ever be friends...but it would be nice...LOL

you know what annoyed me i would go on dates...and i would think about how much more awesome mark is to the guys that im actually dating...how effing shit is that...when i know that this wasnt going to go anywhere anyway!! (i have always been one to want what i cant have....hmmmm so not good!!!) hahahah BUT A HOT SHIT BITCH AT THAT!! LOL (again its the self defence mechanism jolting into place...dont mind me...but i can be abit obnoxious sometimes...LOL)

i didnt really really want to mention him before because you know...i was in mad denial about my feelings for him...always in denial....forever in denial...i hate that about myself...i find it so hard to face what i really trully feel about a guy...it takes me ages to acknowledge feelings...(another self defence thing) but now since this is all done and dusted i might as freaking well...hahaha...what is the harm in it?? no harm??

i dont even think he knows my last name LOL

I am not one to put my emotions on the line...cuz im such a big pansy!!!! and because DENIAL IS SUCH A BITCH!!! But the thing is...i do understand that with this shit you kinda have to...but i couldnt in the situation...MY BAD!! for next time...i promise....

I do hang on to the hope that one day....a person whoever that person is.....MUST BE SO DAMN CRAZY FREAKIN AWESOME!! LOL a comforting thought indeedy!!

Newhos...todaLOO!!! so glad to get that off my chest!!!

again i have to say....DAMN YOU FEELINGSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!

DAMN YOU!!!

this did help...just a tad!!!

ciao ciao lovelies

annainks

ring!!!!

A friend is

someone who knows the song in your heart

and can sing it back to you...

when you have forgotten the words...

okie dokies ppls....as promised my blog about ring!!!

ring is not only beautiful on the outside but damn beautiful on the inside!!! She is a leo...an effing lioness...who will protect those she loves with an absolute determination and passion...she is bossy...and has this way of making ppl do whatever the fuck it is she wants...hahahhaahah she knows this is true hahahahahha she has all these funny stories...that just crack me up...its endless the amount of times these weird n wonderful things happen to happen to her...hahahaha....if i could choose an older sister...it would be her!!!

the other day...i went to pick her up...and she came into the car all upset...i had thought that maybe she had had a fight with her parents or with her hubby....or something super serious had happened...but no...i was completely wrong LOL

me myself and i: "whats wrong?" all worried and shit

ring: "there should be fresh cooking everytime i come home" all pissed off!!! hahahahahaah

and i thought i got grumpy when i was hungry!!! hahahaaha!! it was so cute...she was so pissed off because there wasnt nething but leftovers left to eat....and the one thing she wanted to eat after having heated it up in the microwave she ended up dropping all over the floor and having to clean it up instead of eating it!!! LOL such a cutie...i brang her to our local hang out to eat...quick stat!!! LOL

In terms of advice....she is wise beyond her years...and has such a beautiful vulnerability...i am not afraid to tell her what is really going on...she will tell me exactly how it is...her intentions are always good...and she is one of the rare few that sees through me...when im putting on one of my facades...you know...when im showing the world that im super duper happy...but really im not...she just knows...she is ring...!!! LOVE HER!!!

i will eventually write about all my BOOTIFUL friends...all beautiful in different ways...my close friends...are the family i choose...hehehe...they fill my life with so much laughter, support, pull my head out of the clouds, are shoulders to cry on...and give me tissues to wipe away tears!!! i truly am blessed...

much love

bananainks

la la la LOVE....

anyone can catch your eye...

but it takes someone special to capture your heart

Love is an ever so complex yet at times very simple thing. I for one am guilty for judging people at first glance...looking at facial features, persons height, weight, style, age, education not so much, financial situation kinda but not really...looking at the more superficial side of things at first...acknowledging that yes...they are attractive because of so and so...or NOPE i wouldnt go there because of so and so...

i for one am also guilty for and fallen victim to getting so damned attached because this person is so freakin cool and so fun to be with...may not be the best looking...but suddenly is like the effing most cutest thing EVER....because for what ever reason their personality and character and what they stand for seems to at that moment in time...outshine everybody else...LOL...

I HAVE TO MENTION....i met the most sexiest guy the other day!! HOLY EFFING MOLEY!!! he was so effing drool worthy...ok get this...he was from the uk...so MAD ENGLISH ACCENT...and is half english and half argentinian..(i dunno if i spelt that right...but tough tittys!!! LOL)...he was tall....and being a personal trainer...im preety sure he was DAMN fit...and the cutest thing...well my most favourite thing about him was his cheery face...he just looked like one of those people that doesn't let shit get him down....newhos so during the appointment...this is so off the topic...but i dont give a shit...we just clicked...we talked about me being filo...about his world travels...about our strict roman catholic backgrounds....cant be arsed going into anymore details...but he knew how to freakin speak spanish....so hes got this MAD ENGLISH ACCENT and knows how to SPEAK FREAKING SPANISH FLUENTLY...i am so throughly IMPRESSED...can neone get NE FREAKING HOTTER!!! n he was trying to teach me how to say something but i forgot what it was already hahaha...i am considering on asking him on a date...which ive never really done before...or at least giving him another opportunity to ask me on one HAHAHAHAHA!! yes i am a gronk and i know it...fuck if he doesnt ask...its just not meant to be...but then again if its meant to be its up to me lol why did he have to be so damn cute....why did he have to be such a sweetie....im thinking maybe he just clicks with everyone...you know...him being so damn sexy...who knows...but i am curious....i shall update you on this later...should there be any sort of progress made...hahahahah.....newhos how off the topic was that!!! LOL but i had to mention it!!! as i said...COMPLETELY FREAKIN DROOL WORTHY!!!! he definately caught my eye!!! hahahaha

newhos back to the topic...you get sucked in to seeing all their awesomeness that you just dont mind their faults...it just doesnt bother you....water on a ducks back they say...I for one when i get all loved up like that...i completely am blinded by it...i dont see ne other guys at all...its like no one compares to that person...fuck how annoying is that!! hmmmmmm LOL

LOVING SOMEONE is complicated because everyone experiences love in a different way, shape or form and that one person experience of being loved or showing love maybe completely different to that of their partners or to another person...its all a matter of perspective i guess...I guess its also a matter of communication...people show and feel love through different things...when you do find that special someone...i guess its a matter of understanding what love is to them...how they feel loved...and how you can show them your love the way they feel it...i shall give you one example of how i feel love...

my close close closest of friends...that i completely love to itty bitty pieces...i dont have to see them all the time..i still feel love for them even if i hadnt seen them for ages...for me it is about the quality of that time that we spend together...catching up...sharing secrets...giving and getting much needed advice or support...laughing till we cry...staying up till wee hours of the night....because time just passes by....i dont need to see them everyday, once a week, once a month or whatever to know that they are my true friends...but to someone else...i might only be a great friend or true friend if i see them regularly...or whatever...its all in how someone defines love in a friendship or partnership...i guess...

love is simple....because all we yearn for want and need is to be happy...and i think its just a matter of us i dunno...hahahah its complicated....

see what i find interesting is that someone can a really good looking guy...but if the personality and character isnt there...it just falls to shit...but they may not be the best looking or whatever but for whatever reason they touch your heart....game over for all the other guys in this very universe LOL

i feel so SOPPY and retardo writing this...but ive been thinking about love abit...being mad analytical about the whole thing...because im like that...and because...for those that know me i think way too freaking much....hahaha...and also because i am i dunno kinda confusing myself at the moment...its scary dont you think?...leaving yourself vulnerable to someone else...open to so much intense effing feelings...letting ppl close...but in the end its worth the all the risk...right? to find that person thats captured your heart...hahaha....so corrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrnyyyyyyy...but so damn true!!! newhos for the moment i dont want that shit...i am just content with how life is...WOO HOO SINGLEDOM!!! hahaha nothing to worry about...so far LOL

okie dokies....i am getting freaking hungry...

that reminds me i got a story next blog about ring!! LOVE HER!!!

ciao retardos!!

much love

anna inks

it's in his kiss...

kiss me ever so sweetly...

so this sadness wont engulf me...

so that this moment will forever be etched in this heart...

 - Anna Inks

hmmmm such an emo thing to say i know...but i dont mean to be old fashioned or corny or anything...but i still believe that a kiss means alot...doesnt it?? isnt it meant to be meaningful...only shared by ppl that like each other...or have deep feelings for each other...or something like that...it sounds kinda lame but...i guess it means alot to me...a kiss...

i dont mean to be a soppy romantic or anything but the best kisses...seem to just pull you into this moment where nothing else is there...it just feels like it truly is...just you and him....and for those mere seconds it all but consumes you...its like nothing else could ever matter but that moment...at that moment...and the feelings you feel...are so real and your senses are so heightened...if only you could bottle that up....

what i find the most interesting is that after such an awesome kiss...its like addictive you just want to kiss more...you just want a repeat of this emotion or feelings....because it just feels so damned good....(am i right? or am i right? LOL)....you just cant help yourself...at every possible opportunity...you would if you could!! LOL

i have to admit i have had that meaningless kiss on the club dance floor with some random hot guy...with abs of steel...and bootiful eyes....hahahaha...and you get abit of a feelski of those solid arms and toned abs.....so yum.....that was fun dont get me wrong...but as i said it was meaningless...i just didnt see the point of ever doing that again...EVER...it didnt have that same.........OOOOOO MYYYYY...kinda thing...it was just....hmmmm cool...that was cool....hahahaha...that guy was too school for cool...kinda thing...

i've always thought that you can tell how a guy feels...as in really feels about you by the way he kisses....its in his kiss...but as of late...ive just realised...that maybe he's just a damn awesome kisser!!! hahahaha i dunno having only kissed 8 guys...in my life...not very happy about that actually...i dont want to kiss many more...i for one am very selective about these kind of things...hahahaha some guys just have no freakin clue whats so ever...age does not mean that they know better...while others...just damned naturals...maybe that theory is correct...but i dunno...i dont think so...

i think part of what makes a kiss so great...is the anticipation...the mind fuck...hahaha...random but honest...just rings alot of freakin truth...hahaha...just wondering what it would be like....and all that jazz...then again you might be disappointed...but what if you arent...and at times it was so much better than you could have ever bloody invisioned...hahahahaha...this...it happens....hahahahahahahahaha...and no im not going to give you specifics but yeh....it does hahahahahaahahahahaha...just blogging about this just makes me realise how much i miss making out hahahaha MY BAD!!! LOL

i have realised that i really have to keep this short and sweet...before i get myself into some effing trouble!!! hahaha *beams*

KISS LOTS KISS OFTEN!!!

KISS LIKE YOU HAVE NEVER KISSED BEFORE!!!

xo

bananaink

...i am melting...

Ah, summer, what power

you have to make us suffer and like it

- Russel Baker

holey moley its so effing HOT!!! i feel like im melting...or baking or something!!! hahaha here i am in my room fan blasting on my face...we are air conless...its a bit of a bitch...but we can hack it!!! ...ive grabbed a water thingy mabob from the fridge...cuz i think a lil h2o might help...lol...lets hope....dont get me wrong I LOVE summer...the beach...the tans...the endless variety of ice cream...the sexy bods rampant on the street...yes i can admit that i am such a mad pervert at times...i look but i dont touch hahaha

definately does not look like im going to get any sleep tonite....LOL...and i have an early one tomorrow...mondays are notoriously early....was thinking about going for a jog...but at this time of nite...just a lil past midnite...I DONT FREAKIN THINK SO!!! hahahaha maybe i should phone a friend? hahaha maybe i should put a movie on....something so boring it puts me straight to sleep...see if i just lie on the bed...ill just end up staring into space...maybe i should do what my brother did and go downstairs where its all tiled up...its so much cooler...and sleep on one of the couches... so very comfortable couches....hahahaha...this summer thing...we didnt even get eased into it slowly....it was like BAM!!! SUMMER...its so effing HOT!!! LOL

summer how i have waited for you!!! how have i missed you!!

NOW I REALLY MUST GET MY ZZZZZZZZs...my much needed beauty sleep!! LOL

sweet dreams sexyfaces

xo

bananaink

who your daddy? LOL

I gots paid today!!! woot woot!!! *sexy dance* hahahaha

I LOVE MY JOB!!! LOVE LOVE LOVE

know its just a matter of trying not too splurge!!! gotta save mofos LOL

thought that that was preety darn blog worthy...haha...random right!!

partying tonite till the sun comes up!!!

xo

bananaink

...a continuation...

Upon waking...i realised i titled my last entry new beginnings...without explaining why so...

Well one it is a brand new blog...of the many freaking blogs that i have started and secondly...i guess its a start of a new chapter in my life...

hmmmm my ex...my crazy funny beautiful ex...lets call him "rodondo" lol...personal joke...he is wonderful...he is honest...to a fault...he sees the best in people always...he has this fun loving character...everyone loves him...he will make some very lucky girl...very happy one day...at the end of the day...we just werent compatitable...i guess it was a communication thing...i am grateful and feel blessed to have come across and spent time with such a beautiful soul...

life can be such a bitch!!! why be so close to perfect? but then not work out? Im not talking about perfect perfect...im talking about perfect for me...so close but yet so far...it sucks...but ive realised that whoever the lucky bastard is that i end up being with...he'll be perfect for me...and i just have to be patient...(i know right...i am like the most impatient person EVER hahaha...i want everything freaking now!!!)...fuck looking for him...hahaha....im sure one day he'll find me...it'll come when it comes..im letting the cards fall where they fall....hahaha....and along the way im having some damn awesome effing fun!!! hahaha

i  have been doing alot of soul searching...about what i want? what i need? what i want to achieve in life...and its so freaking nice to rediscover ones self...im sorting my shit out..hehe...i had realised that i had not made time to think about things for such a long long lonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng time...i have come to accept that what i can control i can control....what i cant just let it freaking go...hahaha...upon writing this that prayer comes to me...

"God grant me the

Serenity

to accept the things 

I cannot change.

Courage

to change the things

I can and

Wisdom

to know the difference."

I'm not particularly religious or anything...but i do have faith that God loves everyone...and im preety sure he has awesone plans for me. Sometimes i wonder how ppl can get through this craziness of life...the ups and downs...without that faith that in the end all will be well...that someone out there has got your back....i dunno how id get through it...see i see gods love through my family, my closest friends...the warmth of the sun...the whisper of the wind...dont mean to get all religious or poetic...or corny or anything...but i just dunno how ppl would do it...there are countless times...where i have really really really really really really really really (you get the point) fucked up...and have been down in the dumps...(ill prolly divulge in future blogs...because it would make for some interesting reading but also nowadays i just laugh about it hehe) but it always seems to become a blessing in disguise...i dunno...i dunno...i dunno...but life itself is a mystery...to be discovered...to be enjoyed....to be lived...if you knew everything that was going to happen...how boring would that be hahaha....

So yeh...whilst ive been rambling ive been looking for the perfect quote about new beginings and how awesome they are....hahahaha cant find shit!!! but will still soldier on...

So yeh i had gotten used to being with someone for such a long time...it was so comfortable...and now being single is so...well let me rectify was so weird...im still so very uncomfortable with certain things...like i still have the reaction of....dont fucking touch me!! hahahaha but as of late...fuck oath ive been having so much freakin fun (as long as they still leave me some personal space)!!  HAHA...not naughty fun...but random ass fun...making random friends...saying random things...being DAMN RANDOM!!! partying dancing laughing talking until the sun comes up!!! hahaha i have to say im having sucha hoot!! LOL its weird not giving a flying shit hahahaha ive come to the realisation that i prolly wont see these ppl again...unless i really wanted to hahaha

ive also realised how extremely blessed i am to be surrounded and supported by such awesome family and friends...see some choices i have made are damn GOLD!!! lol

fuck there are alot of beginning quotes...hahahahhaha....yay! found an interesting one...

He who chooses the begining of the road chooses the place it leads to. It is the means that determines the end.

- Harry Emerson Fosdick

I guess this is my begining...and i am choosing to find happiness...and i have come to realise that happiness comes from within and i guess overflows...dunno if that is the right word...overflows out? or just spreads into all aspects of ones life....such a philosopher i am...an eternal optimist..a dreamer...this is how i choose to live my life...and im smart enough to know...its always a matter of choice!! now that im getting my head into shape...i know i gotta kick my butt into gear....JUST DO IT as nike says...! prepare plan then action!!! hahaha but that is another blogg that ill have to write about another day...

Also just letting you know i am in the progress of fixing things...with zing...how much have i missed her!!! love that chicki!!! love my familia!!

newhos...its such a bOOTIful day out....its a shame to stay in and blogg...

out to live it up!!!!

xo

bananaink

....to new beginnings...

I have to say that i haven't written a blog in a ka-billion zillion years...so if i go all blog mental on you i apologise in advance...lol...

so weird to be suddently overwhelmed with the desire to put thoughts into words and words into a blog then send it into the abyss of the wide world web....it's odd almost profound how much i have missed blogging...maybe because i had forgotten all about it...being busy with the busyness of life...of work and work and work and work and parties and parties and parties...endless things to do without really thinking about things...maybe its just me getting in touch with my inner thoughts and feelings...maybe i haven't thought about things much until lately...

so much to say so little time...at times so much time...so little to say...haha

well the last time i blogged from memory...i was in love...and all i wrote about was how much i loved him...or how my job was...or some random shit about what was happening in my life...but then again what the f*ck else would i blog about...hahaha...i guess today i feel like blogging about more core things...about life in general...nothing to specific...maybe because i dont have anything or anyone in particular to write about...(well at this stage anyway)....i must explain that i write with a flow...about whatever just pops into this preety little head of mine...so if i confuse you again i apologise...hahaha....because at times i know that i just confuse myself...haha

so life...

life is fan-bloody-tastic....i am healthy...im breathing...i have a roof over my head and food on the table....really not much to complain about...

i was outside on the driveway having smoke (i know smoking is a bad habit...which im hoping to get rid of soon LOL and in no way do i condone smoking!! dont start!!!) looking at the stars and thinking thinking thinking...

my life is great!!

i have awesome relationships with my friends and family, i have a awesome job...i consider my self truly blessed!!

i did have a fight recently with my closest ppl...hmmmmm im considering using their real names...i dunno...should i?? lets just call them ling, zing and ring....hahahahaha....kinda not really with ring or ling...more zing...maybe cuz i was getting my period....but it weird fighting with your closest peeps...i hadnt felt so issolated in such a long time...so alone...zing...gave me tone...that was wat it was about...its more complicated than that...it was wat she said...and then it wasnt just that its all these little tiny things....that just i dunno came to me....and it made me so sad....so bloody freaking sad...and i realised that i can handle alot of things being angry, being frustrated, being bored....but sadness is something that just doesnt go well with me...

i was explainging what had happened to one of my work mates...and she said that this thing that happened shouldnt have happened...its like an unspoken rule kinda thing...and to zing, ling and ring...well to most ppl i just dont like telling anyone wat to do...but come to think about it...how awkward....how can i expect ppl to do things if i dont tell them....like they cant read my freakin mind...but at the same time i felt that they should know better...and i was so hurt and so sad that i couldnt even fathom the words to say...so i just cried....these stoopid waterfall tears....like those silent tears that just dont stop....well ive fixed things with ling and ring....because i missed them so much...and because it was silly...but at the time i couldnt bring myself to speak...and dont get me wrong ppl...i talk all the time....but when it comes to something that is i guess...to close to the heart...not only am i speechless but im nothing short of tears...endless tears....i didnt know one person could cry so much let alone....had no idea where the fuck all that water came from...haha..hmmmm im going to go speak with zing tomorrow cuz i heart her...dunno what ill say...but ill fix things...

at the point of when i was at my saddest of sad....i was wondering what the point of being close to ppl was...wat was the point when all you do is leave yourself vulnerable to hurt? wat was the point when the ppl closest to you are the ppl that hurt you the most? you know it was one of those many moments in life where u question the validility of these things....it makes you wonder if life would be easier if you just didnt let ppl in...but you and i both know that a life like that isnt worth living....life is about...well my perspective on it all...is that life is about cultivating these awesomely crazy friendships where you can share your inner most thoughts and feelings with ppl....be it your friend...your family member...your lover....your life partner...or watever...and be yourself...and they accept you for who you are...the good, the bad and the ugly hahaha...i sure do have ugly moments hahahahaha and you do have to take risks on ppl...risks on things....how boring would it be if you never took risks...not only boring....how fucked up would it be....so if you take a risk on a person, a job, a anything and it doesnt work out....so be it...at least there wouldnt be any regret....you'd learn from it? well lets hope that we would learn from it haha...

wow this wasnt as long as i thought it would be...hahahaha....maybe because its 1am...and my bed is starting to look preety damn warm and inviting....hahahaha

there is heaps i want to blogg about...man i can talk alot of shit....hahaha...but i have a early one tomorrrow...doing who knows whats...hehe...so i shall blab on more then....maybe

toodles

bananaink