Well one it is a brand new blog...of the many freaking blogs that i have started and secondly...i guess its a start of a new chapter in my life...
hmmmm my ex...my crazy funny beautiful ex...lets call him "rodondo" lol...personal joke...he is wonderful...he is honest...to a fault...he sees the best in people always...he has this fun loving character...everyone loves him...he will make some very lucky girl...very happy one day...at the end of the day...we just werent compatitable...i guess it was a communication thing...i am grateful and feel blessed to have come across and spent time with such a beautiful soul...
life can be such a bitch!!! why be so close to perfect? but then not work out? Im not talking about perfect perfect...im talking about perfect for me...so close but yet so far...it sucks...but ive realised that whoever the lucky bastard is that i end up being with...he'll be perfect for me...and i just have to be patient...(i know right...i am like the most impatient person EVER hahaha...i want everything freaking now!!!)...fuck looking for him...hahaha....im sure one day he'll find me...it'll come when it comes..im letting the cards fall where they fall....hahaha....and along the way im having some damn awesome effing fun!!! hahaha
i have been doing alot of soul searching...about what i want? what i need? what i want to achieve in life...and its so freaking nice to rediscover ones self...im sorting my shit out..hehe...i had realised that i had not made time to think about things for such a long long lonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng time...i have come to accept that what i can control i can control....what i cant just let it freaking go...hahaha...upon writing this that prayer comes to me...
"God grant me the
Serenity
to accept the things
I cannot change.
Courage
to change the things
I can and
Wisdom
to know the difference."
I'm not particularly religious or anything...but i do have faith that God loves everyone...and im preety sure he has awesone plans for me. Sometimes i wonder how ppl can get through this craziness of life...the ups and downs...without that faith that in the end all will be well...that someone out there has got your back....i dunno how id get through it...see i see gods love through my family, my closest friends...the warmth of the sun...the whisper of the wind...dont mean to get all religious or poetic...or corny or anything...but i just dunno how ppl would do it...there are countless times...where i have really really really really really really really really (you get the point) fucked up...and have been down in the dumps...(ill prolly divulge in future blogs...because it would make for some interesting reading but also nowadays i just laugh about it hehe) but it always seems to become a blessing in disguise...i dunno...i dunno...i dunno...but life itself is a mystery...to be discovered...to be enjoyed....to be lived...if you knew everything that was going to happen...how boring would that be hahaha....
So yeh...whilst ive been rambling ive been looking for the perfect quote about new beginings and how awesome they are....hahahaha cant find shit!!! but will still soldier on...
So yeh i had gotten used to being with someone for such a long time...it was so comfortable...and now being single is so...well let me rectify was so weird...im still so very uncomfortable with certain things...like i still have the reaction of....dont fucking touch me!! hahahaha but as of late...fuck oath ive been having so much freakin fun (as long as they still leave me some personal space)!! HAHA...not naughty fun...but random ass fun...making random friends...saying random things...being DAMN RANDOM!!! partying dancing laughing talking until the sun comes up!!! hahaha i have to say im having sucha hoot!! LOL its weird not giving a flying shit hahahaha ive come to the realisation that i prolly wont see these ppl again...unless i really wanted to hahaha
ive also realised how extremely blessed i am to be surrounded and supported by such awesome family and friends...see some choices i have made are damn GOLD!!! lol
fuck there are alot of beginning quotes...hahahahhaha....yay! found an interesting one...
He who chooses the begining of the road chooses the place it leads to. It is the means that determines the end.
- Harry Emerson Fosdick
I guess this is my begining...and i am choosing to find happiness...and i have come to realise that happiness comes from within and i guess overflows...dunno if that is the right word...overflows out? or just spreads into all aspects of ones life....such a philosopher i am...an eternal optimist..a dreamer...this is how i choose to live my life...and im smart enough to know...its always a matter of choice!! now that im getting my head into shape...i know i gotta kick my butt into gear....JUST DO IT as nike says...! prepare plan then action!!! hahaha but that is another blogg that ill have to write about another day...
Also just letting you know i am in the progress of fixing things...with zing...how much have i missed her!!! love that chicki!!! love my familia!!
newhos...its such a bOOTIful day out....its a shame to stay in and blogg...
out to live it up!!!!
xo
bananaink
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